Singin

I've been singing a lot this summer. My sister and I have worked out a few duets that we want to record soon too. Tonight she was getting tired so I flipped through one of my Mom's many musical theater anthologies and started singing and recording different songs with my Dad's zoom. (a little recorder that I'm in love with - my parents actually got me one as a happy college present! they gave it to me tonight). I uploaded it to youtube and figured out how to embed it into my blog =)

this business

I love this business. My new best friend is backstage. I got the latest one from a newspaper stand the other day in the city and tonight I spent time circling auditions and e-mailed a few people my picture and resume. This isn't the first time I've done this and I know that an audition is just one audition and it doesn't mean anything. But you also never know. It's a mysterious world out there and the more you put yourself out there the more chances you have. I wish I could go on every audition listed but 1. some of them are 3,000 miles away in California and 2. I can't spend every day skipping class and going on auditions. That's not what my parents are paying my tuition for and that's not what I need my focus to be right now. Right now I have to train train train. Although, I do have my first audition coming up for a Wagner production. They're doing Spelling Bee this year and auditions are August 31. I've been listening to the cast recording a lot lately and my Mom gave me the script so I have to read it. I'm really excited. It'll be my first college audition. I'm so pumped because I'm starting to realize the amount of opportunities that are waiting to be taken advantage of in my future. It won't be easy and I know that sacrifices are on their way. But to be honest, I've already sacrificed so much of a normal teenage life that I'm okay with that. Bring on the work and the love.

Family

My family loves to have a good time. We love to dance and we love parties. So last weekend when my cousin Hallie got married, I wasn't surprised that my cousins and I were the first ones on the dance floor and the last ones off. We danced the whole night, right through dessert. I had a blast. While most of us live in New York, I do have some cousins in Connecticut and Georgia, and with everybody's crazy schedules it isn't often that we're all together. There are three generations of us. From 8 years old to my Great Aunt Yevi... I don't know how old she is. But despite our age differences, and some other differences we're still a family. And we still love each other. Multiple times throughout the night we found ourselves dancing in a big circle, or swaying back and forth with our arms around each other. I took the time to look around at everybody. They're my family. Times may change and friends will come and go but your family is something you're stuck with. I never really thought about how lucky I am to be from a family that's close. Things aren't always perfect, but whatever issues we have aren't big enough to keep us apart from each other. The next big event is my cousin Sami's bat mitzvah this January. They live in Georgie so the whole gang will be flying down for another big party. But until then it's facebook and a few phone calls.

The "kid" cousin table. This is only half of all of us..

Time goes by...

It's been a while since I've blogged (not counting my 365 blogging which is going really well - haven't missed a day!) and it feels good to be back. I graduated high school almost a month ago, which is still a foreign idea to me. Everything with Wagner seems to be coming so fast. I got my preliminary schedule, so it only includes my acting classes and my academic classes. It doesn't have dance or voice lessons. So as of right now, my earliest class is 1 PM and I don't have class on Fridays, but knowing me, once I get my hands on dance classes and voice lessons that will all change. Which is fine by me. I'd gladly fill up my day with dance labs and things of that nature - that's what they call dance classes that you don't necessarily get credit for, but you can take for the training and such. My friend and I were roomed together just like we planned and we're on a co-ed floor. In fact, we're on the border of the boys side of the floor so our neighbors are boys. This should be exciting lol. I still talk to people and everyone is still really nice and excited to start school. It's a weird feeling. Being excited for school to start. But it's also kind of really sad in a way. With all this excitement about school starting in 35 days tonight was the first night since the end of school that I started thinking about everything and everyone I'm leaving behind. I can't help thinking that times running out. In Mr. Gangji's famous goodbye senior speech this year he spoke about how slowly over time we loose touch. He wasn't telling us this to make us depressed, he just wants us to see the world the way it is, and as upsetting as it is, we all know it's the truth in almost all cases, and I guess it's good to know that in advance. But I can't help being scared of some of the changes that I'm going to have to get used to. And I don't mean changes of making new friends, or living somewhere new, I'm talking about leaving friends behind and saying goodbye to people that I'm used to seeing 5 or 6 days a week for 10 months out of the year. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach saying goodbye. I don't even know for sure what will happen next year, so saying goodbye might not even be necessary. It's rough not knowing. It's unsettling and I'm not a fan. It feels like part of me will be left behind when I leave on August 26th. Some of that I'm ready for, but there's a few things that I wish I could take with me. Life has to be complicated and make you think. No big change will ever be smooth and easy the way we sometimes wish it could be. That I feel confident is the truth.

Dear STAC

Four years ago I walked through that STAC door for the very first time. I’ll never forget that moment. It was the first day of school. I was a freshman. I remember what I wore. I remember walking in after the bell rang expecting to get yelled at for being late. I remember standing in the back of the room with another new STACie because there weren’t enough stools for us. I remember being called “newbie” and being thrown into the center of the circle during gauntlet of death. I remember feeling nervous and excited and really small. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Four years later and I’m standing onstage during the senior tablo. I can’t fathom how quickly these past four years have gone. There are thirty of us in STAC this year. Thirty students from completely different family situations, circle of friends, social statuses, and of different ages. But for three periods a day every day we come together and leave everything else behind. We are drawn towards each other because we all have something in common. We love art. We’re filled with passion and the need to create. We understand that there’s more to life than high school drama. We have a desire to explore and learn with one another. We are an extremely mature group of people. If we weren’t mature we wouldn’t be able to handle the type of work that we are assigned. We are constantly surprising ourselves with how talented we are and with what we are capable of accomplishing. And this is all because of STAC.

STAC isn’t just another high school class. It’s a life changing experience. It has the ability to pull its members through the most difficult times. It teaches us things that can’t be taught in math or science or Spanish or history. It’s really hard to understand how lucky we are to have the opportunity to be STACies, but we are the luckiest kids in the world. STAC is something bigger than us. It’s something that’s been around for many years and will continue to go on long after all of us graduate Herricks. We come and go, but STAC will still be here. If we’re lucky, we can leave our mark on the program, and I believe that this group will be leaving a big one.

We’ve proven that a group of thirty high school kids can respect each other and love each other. We’ve shown that we can be friends but also co-workers. We know how to fool around and have fun, but we also know when it’s time to buckle down and work. We’ve proven that we know how to support each other and be there for each other. We care for one another. And more importantly, we care about each other’s work and applaud each other when applause is deserved.

I’ve never felt this way about a group of classmates before. And I don’t know if I’ll ever have anything like this again. I hope I do. I hope we all do. But nothing can be guaranteed and that’s why we have to appreciate what we have here and always remember the amazing times we’ve shared.

I’ll always remember our first STAC field trip. I’ll remember when Jesse cross-dressed for the first time as a zombie in that be-kind rewind movie. I’ll remember our do-over fall ritual. I’ll remember watching Bari jump in the pool with a big smile on her face at Ashley’s pool party. I’ll remember being thrown in that pool with my clothes on to shoot the music video. I’ll remember when the lights went out the night we were supposed to have STAC night. I’ll remember crying during the Jim Bonnie workshop and feeling totally connected with each STACie in that room. I’ll remember our Pollack paint fest. I’ll remember washing myself off in the girl’s bathroom and making a mess. I’ll remember Jamesy and how much we all were in love with him. I’ll remember giving everybody hugs after STAC night, feeling like time is too precious.

I want to thank each and every one of you for making my fourth and final year in STAC the best one yet. And I mean it. There really aren’t words to express my gratitude. I am so grateful to have had the chance to work with all of you this year. To all the non-graduating STACies: Remember us seniors. Remember what we’ve shared. Don’t be scared for next year because of all the new people coming in. Embrace them and take the chance to make STAC 10-11 amazing in it’s very own way. Don’t take what we have for granted. Try to soak it all in now because before you know it it’ll be gone. And that’s the emptiest feeling ever. To all the seniors: We did it! We survived high school, but I don’t think we would have done that if it hadn’t been for STAC. You’re all extremely talented people and I know you’re all going on to do amazing things next year in college. But don’t forget this. Don’t forget right now. No matter how far any of you get, always remember the things that you learned in STAC and remember the relationships that made you who you will become. This isn’t goodbye because I’ll be seeing you all at prom and graduation. And who knows, maybe I’ll get to work with some of you again one day. But I want to say that I love you and thank you for giving me joy, inspiration, and creativity. I will miss you all so much.

--Becky Kalman

Manefesto!

This was an assignment for a class in school - STAC. We had to write manefestos for our end of the year portfolio. My real thing is formatted all nicely with colors but it wouldn't translate onto my blog so here is just the text. Enjoy!

Only one life but so much to do. I will make it worth my time.

Know what I have to do and commit to it. Do not let personal problems or unfortunate situations stop me from achieving what I’m working towards. If something is getting in my way, I need to take a deep breath and push forwards. Be grateful for every opportunity that I am given. You never know what the future has in store for you. Don't take my talent, hard work, or inspirational teachers for granted. The opinion of one person is not the be all, end all. I can’t loose sight of my dream just because it isn’t easy to hear the word “no.” I need to stay positive and always believe in myself, even when I feel like giving up. How can I expect others to believe in me & my talent if I do not even believe in me? Meet new people. Be nice and be friendly. Networking is key in this business. Use that to my advantage. Go one very audition that comes my way. Don't make excuses if I'm not feeling up to it. you never know. Continue to take care of my body. My body is my instrument. Never get lazy with maintaining way. its health. It will always need to be in tip top shape. Make choices and decisions with my health and safety in mind. Don’t think that I am invincible in any way. I am not. Save money, don't spent it. Remember to distinguish the difference between things I need and things I want. Nice clothes can't feed me or pay the rent. Surround myself with people who understand me and will not get upset with me if I’m too busy to spend all my time with them. Make sure that my friends & family know that I love them even if I don’t get to see them as often as I would like to because of my dedication and commitment to my work. I can’t let unnecessary personal matters get in my way. Allow myself to make mistakes and accept that failure is only part of the process to success. Not being perfect does not mean that I'm not talented. Always try to see the fun in things. I'm not entering this business for the money, but because I love it. If it's not fun, I should stop wasting my time.

Big Project - Oy vey

Cassie, Alex, and I were discussing our big project today. We started this film five weeks ago and we're no where near being done and it's due on Monday. Every chance we had in STAC we worked on this film but I think we may have bit off more than we could chew. The dance aspect makes it so much more complicated. The film would have been about 20 minutes worth of dialogue and 10 minutes worth of dance. Although we had a few days each week to work on it, we didn't have complete full weeks because of STAC art and other workshops, and we weren't able to shoot on weekends because my weekends are booked. We didn't think about this when we got all excited about our project and completely ran off with it, expanding our ideas out more and more. Knowing that we aren't going to be able to pull this off felt like crap. I'm used to getting things done and finished. I felt like a failure knowing our original plan wasn't going to happen. But none of us wanted to have nothing to show for ourselves after all that work and choreography that we came up with. So we decided to take one of the main dance pieces and turn it into a music video. We already had 85% of the choreography for it, we finished the rest of it today in class. We're going to shoot it tomorrow and thursday and possibley friday if we can. Cassie can edit it over the weekend. We're really excited about this because even though it'll be tight, we think it's possible to get done. I'm nervous that something won't go the way we planned and it won't get finished but the next two days are going to be spent shooting our butts off. I'm going through the song and choreography again tonight and organizing what shots we need where and writing down the time in the music when things take place. Oh boy.