I had the time of my life.. so why not blog about it?

December break. Wow. Is it actually possible that 2009 has gone by this fast? I spent Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of this week suffering from an allergic reaction to what I think was a wool hat (I haven't exactly gone to the allergist yet to get tested but so far that little demon is my only suspect) and sleeping. And I mean REALLY sleeping. Last week with Nutcracker and all consisted of everything but sleep and so I made up for it these past few days. Literally. Sleeping until 1 pm, waking up to eat, falling asleep again and sleeping until 6 pm waking up and falling asleep at 10 pm and then doing the whole thing the next day again. I wasn't sick, although many people probably would have thought I had the flu. I was just tired, and itchy, and didn't wanna deal with being cranky and allergic, so I took all the antihistimines the doctors told me to take and just slept. I wasn't even really awake enough to celebrate Christmas, which is my FAVORITE holiday.

But anyway, now it's Sunday. My allergic reaction has subsided and I've gotten so much sleep that it's 4:13 AM and I'm not even the least bit tired. (I need to get back on a normal sleep schedule.) A week ago I was still swept up in the magic of the Nutcracker and I remember through it all thinking to myself, I have to blog about this I have to blog about this I have to blog about this. Well of course, I didn't actually have any time to sit down and blog about it while it was happening and then the few days right after were spent sleeping so now it's been a week and I still haven't blogged about it. And honestly, I wouldn't even know where to begin. It was amazing. It was fun. It was emotional. It was inspiring. It was hard. And I mean, I'm onstage the entire second act. I sit there and watch the whole thing onstage, and I think that was harder than any of the dancing or pantomime peices I had to do. To be in a ballet, and to be watching the ballet (mind you I've seen these pieces done over and over again for six years and I know most of the choreography by heart just from watching it so many times) and it wasn't boring but it was hard. To sit with my back straight with a regalness and to watch my friends and fellow Nutcracker-ees perform was physically painful. Not to mention when they would start talking to us. Sometimes the dancers when they're facing upstage would say things to me and either my sister or Lexi, whoever was playing Clara at that performance, and it was just so hard to keep a straight face. They're fun. They're real people. Even the professionals like to play around. It keeps the energy alive and playful. And that's what this ballet is. It's playful.

I could go on and on and on about this and maybe one day I'll post another blog with more stories or details - like when our 72 year old artistic director got up on stage, crouched down on his hands and knees and acted like a mouse so one of the 8-year-old boys playing a mouse could understand what his correction was. But since this was my last year with the Nutcracker, I wrote a letter and gave it to all my close friends at the company and I thought I'd share it here:



The Eglevsky Ballet’s The Nutcracker 2009

As you all know, this is my sixth and last Nutcracker. It has been a pleasure to work with all of you and I have been honored to dance alongside all of you on the Tilles Center Stage time and time again.

The Nutcracker holds a very special place in my heart. I love the holiday season (CHRISTMAS!) and since I’m technically Jewish, Nutcracker is my way of celebrating Christmas with the people I love.

The memories that we have created together over the past six years are priceless. From stepping on the Mother Ginger skirt and almost ripping it in two, to watching the soldier doll fall out of his pants in party scene, to decorating the apprentice dressings rooms this year and last, it has been a blast! These memories, and many more must remain alive in our minds and in our hearts.

This summer when I did 42nd Street at Hofstra University with the Gray Wig, the director, Amy Dolan Fletcher, who danced in 42nd Street on Broadway gave an extremely important opening night speech. The show 42nd Street is to her what Nutcracker is to me. She told us not to take advantage of the memories we create and the opportunities we have when we get to perform in a show. At the end of closing night of any show, we always say “until next year”, or “there will always be another one.” But the thing is, that may not always be true. This is my last Nutcracker with you guys, so there won’t be another one for me. That is why I feel that it is so important for me to relay this message to you guys. I hope that you can try and understand the significance of what we have going for ourselves with this ballet company and the opportunities that we have been given. I hope you can see how special it truly is. I hope you can see how precious it is and I hope you can fully embody the magic of it all. It’s so special and unique an experience, that it’s almost impossible to express it in words and do it justice. It’s a feeling that you either have or you don’t, and all of us have it. It’s like we’re our own private little Nutcracker club, a Nutcracker family, and I have been so grateful to be apart of this club and family for the past six years. Even though I won’t be back to perform with you all next year, because of the way I feel in my heart, I will always be apart of the Nutcracker family.

I love you all endlessly,

Becky Kalman - Prince 2009

Eglevsky in the New York Times

Last weekend a reporter and photographer from the New York Times came to our Nutcracker rehearsals. Today there was an article published in the newspaper about Marina Eglevsky (Andre Eglevsky's daughter) and the 2009 production of the Nutcracker.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/13/nyregion/13artsli.html

Is it possible to be too excited?

Today after school I went shopping with my Mom for a dress to wear to the gala. In the ballet world, there's always an opening night gala. It's a fancy party after the performance where all the dancers get dressed up, and there are little itsy bitsy snacks, and people who can afford the pricey ticket (because essentially the whole evening is to raise money, even though they don't tell you that when they send you the fancy invitations), and silent auctions, and big accomplished well known ballet poeple are honored and they give speeches and it's a wonderful evening. So I went shopping for a dress to wear, and I ended up buying presents for my close Nutcracker friends, yet another tradition - everyone gives and receives presents opening night. It was the most time I'd spent with my Mom since Thanksgiving. This Nutcracker season is really close to my heart, so naturally when I get home I'm too excited to function. I managed to get through my homework, but honestly I couldn't have cared less about operant conditioning, taxes and economics, and the gender issues present in A Midsummer Night's Dream. These are things that I usually would have some sort of interest in, well at least the ap psych and ap lit homework, maybe not so much with the eco, but that's besides the point I think. I'm just sort of an excited hott mess (a phrase I picked up this past summer at Grey Wig) and Doug suggested I blog about it. I'm not even sure why I decided to do it. None of this is artistic or intellectual, and blogging about this certainly isn't helping - it's not calming me down - if anything it's making me even more excited. And the one thing I should be doing right now is sleeping, but I'm not. But at the same time, I'm scared to publish this post because I know that the minute I do, I'll be tempted to put the christmas music back on and dance around my room again, which will wake up my Mom whose sleeping right below my room. And I also don't want to walk away from my computer because my room is a mess from all the festive excitement and I'm really tempted to clean it up, but that too will be taking away from my sleep time. Then again, blogging is also taking away from my sleep time. I'm also scared of going to sleep because the sooner I go to sleep the sooner the morning will come, and time is flying by and I don't want this December to be over. I'm really scared above and beyond anything else of this December ending. I'm scared of finding out what it's going to feel like to have a six-year relationship with a company and a ballet come to an end. I've thought about it, but I'm scared to live it. But meanwhile all of this is coming from excitement and jittery-ness and the need to just talk and talk and talk. I hope none of you actually took the time to read this. It was an unsuccessful attempt to calm myself down, but now I'm even more excited and worked up. And it's almost midnight. I feel like I'm going to turn into a pumpkin soon or something.

Julie Kent Quotes of the day

"Remember that confidences comes from within. It's not given to you by words of praise or compliemtns; it's a trust in yourself, a belief that you know what you are doing and are capable of doing it. If you don't feel it naturally, you must work on it, just as you would work on any technical skill. You will need it and rely on it throughout your career"

"You will make mistakes, but if you surround yourself with the right people, you will learn even more from them than from your accomplishments."

Let The Right Ones In

All of the wide shots engage you and pull you in even more. The first couple of times these types of shots happened I kept expecting the camera to zoom in really fast and show something gory and terrible, which is what would probably have happened in any other horror movie. It also gives this feeling of being watched. When the shots are close-ups on the actors face you feel like you're invited to be in the scene with the actors because you almost get the real perception of what the other characters can see based on how close they are standing. But when it's farther away you feel removed, like you're spying on the characters and you weren't invited.

In AP Psych we're learning about learning and how we learn through associations. The use of sound appeals directly to that. Since the director isn't going to appeal to our visual senses with blood and gore, they instead appeal to our hearing. We see a guy hanging upside down with red staining the snow underneathe and the sound of pouring liquid makes us automatically think that the guy just had this throat slit open. The sound could have been water pouring into a bathtub or juice coming out of a jug, but since we've experienced sound affects in movies before, and since we see the red in the snow, our brains put all the information together to come up with blood.

I think the second plot point is when Oskar slits his hand open in front of Eli. That causes her to thirst for blood, to lick it off the floor, and for him to figure out that she's a vampire. Their relationship and the story continues because of his ability to come to accept the fact that she's a vampire.

First draft - Nutcracker article for the magazine

Who would have ever thought that a professional ballet company is located right here in Herricks, right in our own backyard? The Eglevsky Ballet Company has been Long Island’s only professional ballet company since 1961 when it was founded by Andre Eglevsky, premier danseur of the New York City Ballet. It is now under the artistic direction of Ali Pourfarrokh, one of the ballet world’s most sought after dancers, teachers, and choreographers. It is located in the Herricks Community Center with its affiliated school, the American Theater Dance Workshop. The Eglevsky Ballet Company celebrates the holiday season with its annual production of The Nutcracker. Becky Kalman, one of the apprentices to the company, and a student at Herricks High School, talks about what it’s like to dance with a professional ballet company, and what the rehearsal process is like for such a famous ballet.

October 3, 2009
I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many happy tears in my life. Tonight is the night that Ali Pourfarrokh, announces his casting decision for the coveted role, Clara. Every little girl wants to be Clara; She’s a princess around the age of twelve. She lives in a world where every single one of her dreams comes true on Christmas Eve. Who wouldn’t want to have the opportunity to play this part? A week ago, I had been asked to play Clara’s Prince, a role that I graciously accepted and tonight my sister, Sabrina Kalman and her good friend, Lexi Manno, were both offered the role of Clara. The role is always split by two girls to give more dancers the opportunity to play the part, and also to have an understudy just in case. I am so proud of my two little princesses and cannot wait to share this amazing experience with them.

October 24, 2009
Tonight I had my costume fitting. This is the sixth year that I am dancing in The Nutcracker with the Eglevsky Ballet Company, and every year when I try on my costume for the first time, I get a surge of dancing butterflies in my stomach and in my feet. Almost all of the costumes are used again and again, year after year, so there’s a lot of history in them, which makes it really special. Some of the older tutus still have the names of the professional dancers who where the first to dance in them stitched into the sides. Our costume inventory has costumes that were made and worn in the 1970s, but also new costumes that are being made this year.

December 18, 2009
Today is going to be a long day! We have our full day dress/tech rehearsal with the entire company at the Tilles Center Theater. It’s the first and only time we will get to rehearse on the stage prior to opening night. We have a company warm up at 9 AM, and rehearsal starts promptly at 10:30 AM. They give us a break for lunch, and we will probably run through the entire ballet two or three times. Rehearsal ends at 9:00 at night, and my friends and I think we should just sleep at the theater, since we’re going to have to come back tomorrow for the show, anyway. Even though a twelve-hour rehearsal is intense, and exhausting, I look forward to it every year. This is when we see the most bonding between company members, and when the magic of the ballet really clicks together.

December 19, 2009
We open today! Everyone is excited. We have our company warm up in the morning, and then we have two shows, one in the afternoon and one at night. My sister will be Clara the first show, and Lexi will be Clara the second show. I can’t wait to dance with them onstage. Since I’m so close with the two of them, we have great chemistry and I love acting with them. Before the show starts I walk around to the different dressing rooms and wish everyone good luck, or as it is tradition in the dance world, “merde.” When the stage manager makes the half-hour call over the intercom system backstage, I squeal in delight. When the music for the prologue of the ballet begins, I am reminded of how much I truly love what I do. I look forward to The Nutcracker every year. This year holds a special place in my heart because next year I will be going off to college and won’t be able to dance with the company that I have grown to love and admire.

It has been an honor to dance with the Eglevsky Ballet Company and to work with beautiful dancers for the past six years. I am continuously grateful to have been given the opportunity to share the Christmas spirit through the art of ballet.

Tuesday, Acting Workshop

I was really proud of all the acting kids today. When we were told to do our warm ups by ourselves, we committed to doing what Joy had asked us to do. It takes a really focused group to be able to lead itself that way, and I was proud that we were able to do that.

Today was also great becaue we each got the chance to go twice, which doesn't happen often because we run out of time. Like Joy said, it was really cool to watch the growth of each and everyone of us in our peices over the past couple of weeks. Today I tried really hard to incorperate all of her notes from last week. It was a lot to remember but I had practiced it over the Thanksgiving weekend, so I knew that I could do it. I was proud of myself for being able to carry that out onto the stage with me, with an audience watching.

It was also really interesting because today we were being filmed. But once I got started with the peice, and got rolling with it, I forgot about the camera. When I finished my monologue and came off the stage I felt as if I had been spit into something, played around with it for a bit, and was spit back out again with a feeling of "I did it! Let's do it again!" It was really fun.

Monday, Acting workshop

Today in the workshop I got the chance to perform my monologue and put it on its feet. This was the first time I did it for people without the script in my hand. You can really start to get a sense of where you're at when you do this. The notes that Joy gave me were actually things I've heard before. I know the answers to all her questions, and I know the backstory and the subtext, but sometimes I have trouble applying it. So when she gave me these notes, it was good for me to know exactly what I still have to work on. I think that I need to practice it in really small sections because sometimes doing the whole thing can be too overwhelming. I think I need to work through it and dig into what I need to work on and make it more solid and confident in my character.

Montclair State University

Yesterday I went to Montclair State for their theater arts day. It was a really long day filled with information about the school and the audition process and all that good stuff. The best part of the day was in the afternoon when we got to watch their production of the play, Arcadia. It was phenomenal! The play itself was a little tough to get through. I feel like if I had read the play before hand I would have understood it a lot more, but the director gave a speech before the play started explaining the basic plot and she did warn us that we would miss a lot of plot details if this was our first experience with the play. But the acting was outstanding! Every single actor on that stage was either very good or ready for a Broadway career. The girl who played Thomasina and the boy who played her tutor had such great chemistry. The scenes they had together moved and flowed so nicely it was almost poetic. The director also played around with apples a lot. The characters were constantly eating apples throughout the play and I think that helped a lot with the acting, which was so simplistic but also complex and filled with subtext. It was quite obvious that even if we, the audience didn't understand some of the math or science references, the actors knew exactly what they were talking about. The director said that auditions were held last spring, and they cast the show in May. The actors had all summer to read the play and research all the math, the science, and historical references. They became experts on these topics and what life would be like in 1809 for a family like the one in the play.

And one more thing.. I got a very special e-mail last night from Marymount Manhatten College! I was accepted =) (on an accademic basis) It was my first letter, and it felt really great to have that first experience be an exciting one. That news put me in a good mood that will last the rest of the weekend.

Acting workshop

It is unbelievable how much you can learn from watching other people. Watching other people work with the subtext exercise that we were doing, I was able to detect when they were using the subtext and when they dropped it, or fell out of the exercise. We also were saying our monologues sitting next to someone, so we had a real person to talk to. When Bari read hers, I was her "listener" person, and I noticed a huge difference when she used the subtext. There was more of a journey that the character went through, rather than just playing the mood of the piece, and it was very honest when she did this. This was really important for me to see because I've been working on this a lot with my songs that I'm using for college auditions.

We also focused on breath, and making sure you allow yourself to breathe during the coarse of the monologue. I realized that this completely relates to something I had learned in an acting workshop in the city a few weeks ago. At that workshop, we were told to try and communicate and make as much eye contact with the person we are talking to. To take beats, and to take time to look at them and let what you're saying land on them. It forced you to get the subtext going because you're not saying anything, you're just "looking" at this person you're talking to and so immediately you're able to focus on what your little mind is saying behind what the monologue tells you to say. If you do this, and also breathe at the same time, it adds life to the piece. It can add contrast, but in a simplistic way.

Getting stuff done = happiness

I was thinking about what we briefly discussed today in class and it kind of put everything in perspective for me!

Even though I haven't hung out with my friends on a Friday night since September 25th (not counting Halloween which was like an event in itself), the past couple of months have been extremely fun for me and although you would expect me to be stressing out since I'm a senior and all, for the most part I haven't been. I tell people that I'm enjoying the college application process and they look at me like I'm a nerd. Maybe I am. But ever since august when I started my college essay, I've been feeling pretty good and confident about myself and it's because I've been finishing stuff. I wrote my essay and I felt good. I edited it and I felt good. I got my english teacher last year to tear it appart and help me make it a "wow" and I felt even better. I got so excited that I blew off doing regular homework one Tuesday night just so I could rewrite and finish the essay. It gets worse... When I gave in my college recommendation letters I wanted to scream and run around in circles. When I spent 4 hours the night before halloween sorting through papers, and addressing envelopes to 7 different schools so that I could hand them into my guidance counselor, I took pictures of me holding up each envelope and put them up on facebook so that my whole social network could see. When I pressed the "submit" button for the first time on an online application I made my whole family come and watch. It was like waiting for the ball to drop on new years eve.

Needless to say, I do get stressed out. Everyone does. I get stressed when it's 11 or 12 at night and I still have more work or studying to do but I know that I have to go to sleep because if I don't I will get sick. I lie in bed trying to get my rest but I just end up stressing out for another hour. Not a good thing, especially with my tummy, which I often compare to the san andreas fault in California because of how sensative and high maintanance it can be. Last friday, I stayed home sick and went to the doctor. I got really stressed out because I had to stay home and rest. I'm the type of person that keeps going and going and going. I push myself until the point where my body has to do something, such as getting sick, to make me stop and let myself rest. So on friday I had to rest and it stressed me out. I felt like I was wasting my time by lying in bed reading all day. It really made me upset.

I love looking at my agenda book and seeing everything crossed off because I completed them. It makes me feel worthy. Worthy of what, I'm not sure. Even by doing this blog, I'm feeling good because I'm reminding myself of all the things I've done since September. All the things that may have seemed daunting in the beginning, but which now are completed and finished. Maybe instead of writing a list of things to do we should also write lists of things I've done. It might keep us affloat. Especially us seniors.

reflecting on 1st quarter

This past quarter has been a lot about me embracing and setting free the deeper me. I have this reputation of always being happy. There’s nothing wrong with such a reputation, and it is true, I’m a happy person, but nobody can be happy all the time. That’s a superficial standard to have to live up to. My college essay touched upon this, and that’s where this whole learning started. The end of last year was when I started to let some of the other parts of me come through, but I wasn’t really aware of it. When I wrote my college essay, I became aware of it and started to keep track of it. I’ve been more open to experiencing whatever emotions come my way, and more open to sharing them with my friends and parents.

Seeing other kids in STAC open up to their different emotions has helped me and reading what they write on their blogs has helped too. It reinforced the idea that sadness, anger, and frustration are all normal. Fuertzabruta also really helped. It was such an intimate performance, especially when the women were swimming right on top of us. They weren’t necessarily happy. They were just being themselves. I was able to get in touch with this other side of me during some of the serious improvs and during the poetry that we did. I’ve also cursed more than I ever have, and I’ve been more open to saying my opinion if I don’t like something. I don’t think that it’s a matter of me changing. This part of me was always there; I just never let it show. I always thought of myself as comfortable with who I am and confident, but I guess this is the true test of confidence. I can be whatever I feel like being in that moment, and be okay with it. It’s still a growing process, but it’s definitely a start.

I know you asked for what we’ve learned this quarter, and I don’t exactly know if this answers that question, but it is how I’ve grown as a person. I think that counts as learning too, especially since this is such a huge part of acting. It’s kind of like I’m becoming more aware of some things that have been in my library my whole life. I just never wanted to access them. The acting that I’ve done, especially in the last few months, has really been all about pulling from my library. So it’s good that I’m opening up that access.

Kontroll take 2

I had a completely different experience watching Kontroll the second time around. The first time I was so wrapped up in the suspence of the story that I felt like I was watching a scary movie. I got nervous, anxious, and sometimes wouldn't even look at the screen. But now that I knew what was coming, I wasn't even the least big nervous. I was able to watch the entire thing, except for some of the parts when they showed blood. (Blood in movies makes me gag - it's gross)

A random nuance I noticed while watching it today: the killer and Buchul are basically wearing the same leather jacket. Only the killer's is a little big longer. They're also both wearing hoods, except the killer has his hood on and Buchul leaves it off for the entire film, but he does have a black hood on. They're the only main characters in the film to wear leather jackets because they want to. Gonzol and his crew wear leather, but those jackets are part of the new uniform, and they're much shorter.

The movie went by really quick. The first time I was watching it, it seemed like it dragged on forever and that there were so many more scenes in between all the big plot twists. But watching it again today, I realized that every single scene has to be in the movie. It is one big scene after another after another. The movie actually moves forwards like the speeding midnight express train, without stopping at any of the stops. I didn't realize how quickly the killer comes into the movie. I had thought that we didn't see him until halfway through. But he's actually introduced right at the beginning..within the first 20 minutes or so?

The scene when Buchul is trashing the bathroom right after Bootsie gets pushed supports the theory that Buchul is the pusher. He's looking into the mirror as if he's trying to look into himself to try and find the evil that's causing him to murder. Even if Buchul isn't physically the killer, even if it's just a symbolic connection, it would still support that he's looking deep into the other side of himself. The Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde of his personality.

Quick response to interview with Nimrod Antal

I was listening to an interview with Nimrod Antal, director of the movie Kontrol and something that he said stood out to me.

"Hungary was a great place for me at that time. I made a lot of mistakes there"

A lot of times we get caught up in perfection. But perfection isn't the key. If a director who made a movie as fabulous as Kontrol can admit that he made mistakes while shooting the film, then how can we expect ourselves to be flawless? It puzzles me. But we all do it.

Today I took a workshop in the city. It was an acting and vocal workshop focused around college auditions. I learned a lot. A point that the acting teacher stressed to us at the end of the workshop was that we are in the luckiest place in our lives. We're young, we've only been around for 17 years or so. People don't expect us to know everything about technique or theater or acting. They don't even expect us to know a lot. That being said, that doesn't mean we should use it as an excuse to be lazy and avoid information and avoid the chance to learn. But we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves to expect perfection.

She's a bad singer, and her lyrics aren't good, and the only reason she's famous is because of her father and great marketing team...but even Hannah Montana talks about mistakes: "Nobody's perfect, I've gotta work it, Again and again til I get it right."

We all talk about accepting mistakes and getting perfection out of our minds.. easier said than done.

movie projects

The movie project last week was really interesting. I'm used to making movies in STAC that were really thought out, planned, and artistically detail oriented. The fact that this movie had to be made in one hour, in order, and without editing made it more about just getting the damn movie finished and made it less about trying to make a good movie. Doug mentioned this in class, and I completely agree: There was no time to be a perfectionist. You couldn't spend too much time rehearsing a scene to make it good or you would loose precious shooting time (which was much needed). My group ran into that problem a bit. We spent a lot of time rehearsing scenes 1-4, so that by the time we had to shoot the second half of the movie, we couldn't rehearse at all and each shot was the first time we had acted out that scene.

You kind of have to just close your eyes, cross your fingers, leap, and pray to God that you make it to the other side.

In the dead of winter...

It is a cold, rainy, Saturday morning. My Mom is hesitant about turning up the heat because it's not exactly the best thing for a singer's voice. During the night, my blankets trapped all my body heat, keeping me warm. My alarm goes off at 8:30 AM and I have to force myself out from underneathe the covers. Not an easy thing to do. It's even harder to take off my flannel pajamas and put on my dance shorts and tank top. I'm standing in the middle of my room, shivering, and yet I have to get myself ready for a full day of classes and rehearsals which starts promptly at 9:30 AM.

There is something magical about going to dance class in the middle of the winter. Dancers show up to class wearing any combination of the following warm-ups: legwarmers, knit tights, knit shorts, rip-stop pants (also known as garbage pants), sweat pants, mukluks or insulated booties, overalls, ballet sweaters, wrap sweaters, sweatshirts, and scarfs. As class goes on, and as bodies begin to sweat, one by one, the warm-ups come off. It might be 30 degrees outside, and there might be snow on the ground, but by the end of class the dancers have worked so hard that the temperature inside the studio gives an illusion of summer.

(I was thinking about this when I was coming home last night and thought it related to the magazine, so I decided to post it)

Magazine

Stuff that I could write for the mag:

1. I could write up something about children's theater. I could interview Leah and Cassie and some of the cast members on what it's like to put on a show that nobody's ever done before.

2. Nutcracker =) I could also interview company members and/or the artistic director of the ballet company or the ballet mistresses. I could ask the artistic director if he'd allow someone to come in and take pictures of a rehearsal.

3. A list of the best holiday treats. Ex mint chocolate candy canes, vinilla hot chocolate for people who aren't big chocolate lovers, Pillsbury Dough Boy cookies with santa on them (they're easy to make and they're delicious)

Acting in Company Class

My dance school has a theater dance company which I am a member of. The choreographer that we are working with right now is staging a number for us from Sweet Charity. The number starts out with a scene, which leads into the song, and into the huge dance break. Out of the 11 of the girls that are in company, only three or four of us are comfortable acting. We're all dancers, so we're all comfortable moving our bodies. But today when we were all given lines it was really interesting to observe the insecurities of the girls who aren't comfortable acting. Even though they speak every single day of their lives, when given somebody else's words to say they freeze up and become personality-less.

Now let me just say this. I'm not trying to be judgemental and I'm not critisizing them at all because I understand that acting can be a scary thing if you're new to it.

The choreographer, Stephen Reed was having a conversation with one girl after class and I was sort of listening in on their conversation. She doesn't like acting because she thinks she's bad, but she only thinks she's bad because she never tries, and she never tries because she doesn't like it. She's caught up in a terrible cycle.

I was talking with my sister about it when I got home tonight. You would never think this girl would be insecure about herself. But now that I really think about it, it makes complete sence. She always has to be good and perfect. Even when she's dancing. If she messes up, she appologizes and tries again. If she messes up a second time, she just gives up. She's affraid of not being the best and of looking less than perfect. It's kind of sad for her. Will she ever improve if she can't allow herself to mess up?

The product of today's work

I wrote a lot in class today. These are my two favorites:

He creates love every night

Sometimes with women, sometimes without

His creations of love always make things right

-which eventually lead to...

The jumping mega man has his head on a pillow

Bodies in the closet

A fresh woman's heels at the door

Running around the comm center blindfolded

This was my fourth year being lead around the community center blindfolded. It gets better each time I do it.

Once people are able to realize how safe they are in the hands of their classmates, they can then move on to enjoy being without sight. Being blindfolded is the safest place you can be, both physically and mentally. When you can't see what's around you, you don't have to worry about other people looking at you and you don't have to worry about how you look (because a piece of cloth is covering half your face). It becomes a place where you can just run and let your mind wonder and not have to worry about keeping yourself safe because you know that your classmates are looking out for you. It's probably one of the only times that I have experienced a group of thirty teenagers forget their differences, forget about the dislikes they may have towards any specific person in the group, and be really kind and gentle with one another. In normal life, we tease eachother and we get into arguments and disagreements, but when we blindfold one another, all that gets tossed aside in order to take care of one another. It's a very intimate place to be. Some people get scared by intimacy which leads to unimportant chatting during this process. It's unfortunate that it's really hard for some people to get over this fear, becuase the experience is so much deeper when nobody talks. You begin to rely on your other senses to understand one another. When communcation can be understood without language, and without the ability to see, the whole world seems to quiet and become calm.

Futurism

An Italian poet and editor by the name of Filippo Tommaso Marinetti started the futurism movement with a manifesto he wrote after World War I. He introduced a love of speed, technology, and voilence into the art world, forming a new movement concerned with "technological triumph of man over nature."

Futurism was inspired by cubism, but expanded beyond that specific technique. Futurist painters used repetition of lines, colors, and flowing brush strokes to help show the movement within the painting. They also used a wide range of angles to incorperate the dimension of time within a picture.

Futurism embraced the new world of technology instead of fearing it. It celebrates change, originality, and innovation in culture and society. It glorifies war and favores fascism, since almost all Futurist painters were also fascists.

"Elasticity" by Umberto Boccioni

Something in AP Lit

"One of the paradoxes of human existance is that all experience-even painful experience-when trasmitted through the medium of art is, for the good reader, enjoyable. In real life, death and pain and suffering are not pleasurable, but in poetry they may be. In real life, getting soaked in a rainstorm is not pleasurable, but in poetry it can be. In real life, if we cry, usually we are unhappy; but if we cry in a movie, we are manifestly enjoying it. We do not ordinarily like to be terrified in real life, but we sometimes seek movies or books that will terrify us. We find some value in all intesne living. To be intensely alive is the opposite of being dead. To be dull, to be bored, to be imerceptive is in one sense to be dead. Poetry comes to us bringing life and therefore pleasure. Moreover, art focuses and so organizes experience as to give us better understanding of it. And to understand life is partly to be master of it." -Laurence Perrine, Structure, Sound, And Sense

In acting different characters we can experience a whirlwind of different emotions. We go through happiness, saddness, fear, anger, confusion, nervousness, and so on and so forth. Like Perrine says, in real life we don't enjoy being sad or angry. I don't look forward to feeling these emotions in real life, but in a play I do. I didn't always. I used to be scared of all my negative emotions, and in real life, I still am to a degree. But in a show, it's so so so so so different. This summer I did 42nd Street and at the end of the show there is the 42nd Street Ballet in which one of the Gangsters accidentally kills Billy Lawler's character (this is the show within the show). I was onstage during the gunshot and the thing genuinely scared the crap out of me. During the whole run of the show, I was still always shocked whenever I heard that gun go off. It was one of my favorite parts of the show. For the rest of the show, I had to be what I refer to as typically bubbly Becky/lots of dancing/musical theater acting. But for this one scene I was a hooker, which was different, and I got to experience a murder. I say it as if it was an honor to whitness this, and it kind of was because the cast that weren't onstage at this moment in the show didn't get to feel that initial shock after hearing the gunshot, they didn't get to be scared after realizing that somebody was dead. And it was fun. Being scared was fun. It really was. And I looked forward to that moment every night. But in real life, if I saw a murder on the streets, I would be going to therapy straight away.

My version of Child in a Red

Every day for a year she has danced through the streets of her town

In a little red dress and patent leather shoes

Clicking-clacking on the old cobble stones

She waves to the people she passes

They don't know her

And she doesn't know them

But still they watch her everyday

And wonder when she will grow too big to fit into that little red dress.

I completely fell in love with the poem, Child in a Red. When I rewrote it, I twisted it around so much that the story of the little girl intertwined with the story of my childhood and I became the little girl wearing the red dress. If any of you knew me when I was younger, this poem completely describes the way I acted. You should all read Zach Torres' version of this poem. It is the exact opposite of mine and when he showed it to me during class I was so intrigued by the differences in our interpretations. It's like when we talk about viewing art. We all see art differently because of what we are bringing to the table based on our own lives and past experiences. I was a little girl ten years ago. I had a dress that I wore all the time. It was my signiture dress. My Mom used to have to sneak it from me in order to wash it because I wore it every day, every season. That is what I'm bringing to the original version of the poem when I read it. Zach is bringing something different and it shows in what we each wrote.

A Tuesday's collection

My Mom forwarded this e-mail to me:

> Hi All,
>
> I've been enjoying this greatly and sharing it with my students: Last week
> Oprah Winfrey had an event in Chicago to launch her 24th season, and had a
> number of music artists perform. In advance of the event, with some level
> of secrecy, a choreographer taught a dance (to a Black Eyed Peas song) to
> around 20 dancers; using facebook and twitter, 800 volunteers came into
> dance studios in advance to learn the dance, and finally, taught to others
> on the day of the event. This was a surprise to Oprah! The scene is
> amazing--21,000 people dancing together... the opening alone is
> stunning--the entire crowd in stillness! with one lone woman near the
> stage dancing. She is shortly joined by 20 or so others, moving in
> counterpoint. Gradually, the rest of the audience joins in. There are
> many available videos, but the two below are my favorites"

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090908-tows-flash-mob-dance

I just thought it was really cool how so many people were able to learn the same choreography and perform it at the same location at the same time. What a project.

And in AP Lit we're reading catch-22 and I found the following quote worthy of sharing:

"It takes brains not to make money...Any fool can make money these days and most of them do. But what about people with talent and brains? Name, for example, one poet who makes money."

Would you rather be smart and talented or make money? hmm...

Dancing Painters

Every time I paint or draw abstractly I continue to find myself so surprised with how calming it can be. Especially when music is added to the scene. With my obsession with dance and the experience I had painting today, I was reminded of the Olympics in China however many years ago and the opening ceremonies they had. There was one thing when they had a huge canvas displayed in the middle of the stadium and various dancers dressed in black unitards came up with some type of ink attatched to their hands and feet and they danced on the canvas and in the end what they created was so beautiful not only in the language of dance but also on the canvas itself.

In psychology we talk about how everything is interconnected, and we talk about that in STAC as well. It blows my mind how true it is. I took physics last year and I absolutely loved it (surprisingly) and I've been wondering how I can apply what I learn to my jumps and turns as a dancer - technically speaking.

One of my ballet teachers, Ali Pourfaffokh often explains that when we dance we have to draw on our canvas, also known as the stage. We make lines and circles and they have to be exactly so or else the picture can't be veiwed correctly.

I think the interconnectedness is cool.

Zach Lo Mein

Boil water. Throw lo mein noodles into boiling water.

Add a chinese food menu.

Take the strings off of Zach's bass guitar and add them to the pot.

A tablespoon of height.

A teaspoon of long hair.

Let cook for sixteen minutes. Serve hott

more favorite photos of my fellow STACies

Another person who talks with his hands. And I love what he's wearing.

When Megan gets excited things start to happen... like veins popping out of her neck!! gah

I like how the thumps up is centered in this picture and not her face.

"God bless my soul"

Kind of quirky here Mr.

Jess likes to pretend she's a tiger. And I love the one streak of really blonde hair in her bangs.

There is nothing distracting in the backround and this smile says "yeah i know how to be happy"

This looks like it could be on a first date when she realized "I like him and he likes me too! oh shucks, I'm going to start blushing. I better look down."

Zach, you have such a great smile here!

The official "let's creep out the new STACies" dude

This could either be the split second before a burst of laughter or a burst of tears...

I like how she's biting her lip in this one. It's different from the Hillary I usually see in school

What is she looking at? I wonder...

Did Molly really just ask Michelle that question? Great expression.

Plotting to say something whitty? The wheels in her head are churning...

Laughter is THE BEST medicine.

Straight on into the camera. And the colors of her hair, lips, Jacket, and skin look really well together

favorite photos of my fellow STACies (part 1)

I love the true emotion that shows in this one. Pictures of laughter always make me smile.

Her hair looks really great here. The flips have bounce to them.

Her new haircut and the funny face she is making makes her look like an animated cartoon character.

This is a really great, sincere smile.

When I get excited about something, I talk with my hands. I don't remember what I was excited about but it must have been something.

The casual smile here is really cute.

You can just tell that the wheels of her mind are churning.

I love the puffy cheeks. And her eyes are also sparkling.

This picture reminds me of Cassie hard at work during Children's Theater last year. The eyes are great the way they're so wide open.

I like how his eyebrows look raised. It gives a sort of life to his face.

You can tell he's searching for what to say next.

This looks like it could be the cover of a movie or book.

When I first looked at this picture it was shocking to the eyes because I didnt see a face.

Excited for a new year!

Senior year. Strangely enough, I'm not nervous. So many of my friends around me are overhwelmed and I completely understand why. But I'm really excited! Auditioning for college is going to be a really exciting start to this new adventure that I embark on next fall. I'm so used to the same teachers, the same classes, the same coaches, and although it's scary because it's something new, I cannot wait for it!

I had my first coaching today for this whole thing and it's so interesting to me how different the college audition process is from the professional world of auditioning. I have to practice tomorrow and the next day and the next day. I know there is a lot of competition out there, but I also know that when I decide to work hard on something, I work hard. And when something is so exciting to me that it makes me want to cry and laugh and run around my house in circles because I don't know what to do with all this great energy, I know it's something I'm passionate about and I know that I won't let myself fall short of my own potential. I LOVE to work hard when it comes to this type of stuff. It makes me feel worth-while. It's that feeling of a challenge and overcoming it that is so rewarding. Sometimes I look around my school and see myself surrounded by lazy people and I feel different. But then I think about the artists, dancers, singers, and actors I know who also love to work hard on things and I think that we're the happier people on earth. We get more out of life. It's as simple as that.