Inspired

Sometimes the greatest gift a person can receive is to be inspired. To be inspired to work. Today I have been inspired to let go of even more inhibitions, to be vulnerable, to work my ass off, to try and try again and even if I fail to get back up and try again, to not be perfect all the time, to do me, to work for me, to have big dreams but smaller ones too, to stay humble, to take huge risks and commit to them, to always remind myself why I'm in this business. I do this because I love it. Because I'm hungry for it. Because I desire to work and explore and play. I don't need to be rich and famous, I don't need to be a star. I need to be fed creativity until I'm full. And then once I'm full I need to get hungry again. I don't need to do this for the compliments of my peers. I don't need to do this to make my teachers happy, to prove to the world that I'm talented, to give directors what they want to see. I refuse to do this for those reasons because they're cop outs and are a lot less fun. I do this to tell stories. To communicate. To reach out to people and shake things up a bit; to make them think about things they didn't know they were allowed to think about. And maybe, if I'm really lucky, to inspire someone else the way I've been inspired.

Becky Kalman, Choreographer

I've been "making up dances" since I was seven years old. My friends would come over for a play date and I'd ask them if they wanted to make up a dance with me. We'd create and then show it to our parents at the end of the play date. It was fun. I had no idea that I was being a choreographer. As I got older and started to take my dance training more seriously, I started to understand the concepts of choreography and appreciate it as a creative art form in itself.

This past summer I choreographed a fun, high energy theater dance routine to "Everybody Wants to be Black" from the Broadway hit Memphis. This wasn't for any sort of showcase I was involved in, it was for my own creative satisfaction. I didn't rent out a studio and audition dancers for me to choreograph on. I locked myself in my bedroom, turned the AC up really high, blasted the music from my mac book, and worked it out. I had a ball and am proud of what I created. I'm waiting for an opportunity to do it in front of an audience, or even better, to cast a group of technically advanced dancers/enthusiastic performers and make it a group number.

So today when I found out my afternoon ballet class was cancelled I decided to go to the dance studio anyway, since it would be empty, and play around a bit. I started choreographing a tap routine to KT Tunstall's "Black Horse and a Cherry Tree" a few weeks ago so I figured I'd work on that. Despite the fact that I had to work in my bare feet (we're not allowed to wear tap shoes in this particular studio) I felt the music in my bones and translated the rhythm down to my feet. This is something relatively new for me since I've never choreographed a full length tap number before. Although I started taking tap seriously when I was twelve, I've been in many tap dances, and did 42nd Street with all Broadway choreography, I'm a baby when it comes to the world of tap choreography. Any of my past tap combinations have been maybe thirty-two bars and I never really went anywhere with them. But this time I'm getting into the feel of the music and creating my own "fascinating rhythm" with my feet.

I enjoy choreographing. I think I enjoy it as much as I enjoy performing. I love the feeling I get when I come up with something really cool or different and find a way for it to work in the context of the piece and the music. I would love to have a barrel of dancers at my fingertips to choreograph on. Actually, I kind of do. The Wagner College Theater Department is bursting at the seems with all kinds of talented dancers. Last spring the Dance Club sponsored Dance Week: Dance Across Campus which featured student choreographed pieces all over campus: on the oval, in the student union, in the art gallery, etc... Last year I was in a piece but this year I definitely plan on choreographing something or using something that I've already created and putting dancers in it.

Brisket, kugel, and apples with honey

For a while now I've had a very clear opinion about religion and where I stand on it. The religious aspect and belief in God doesn't do anything special for me but the cultural and traditional aspect of celebrating the Jewish holidays has always been something I enjoy. I like the food, I like the yearly tradition of gathering together with family and friends and spending a meal together. Sometimes, I even like to reflect on what the holidays are about and what they are celebrating. But never before have I ever felt like I would be lost without it. The past few days have been interestingly emotional for me. I didn't go home for Rosh Hashana dinner. I didn't go home last year either and I never thought anything of it. But suddenly this year it seemed like all my Jewish friends at school were going home or going to a friend's house and I found myself alone when everyone else was celebrating. Now of course I could have gone home if I had thought ahead and made the plans with my parents to come get me but I didn't want to miss my ballet class and at the time it just didn't even cross my mind. I felt weird and awfully conflicted. I really wanted my Mom's brisket and chicken noodle soup and kugel. I never experienced any kind of homesickness before and as a Sophomore in college I felt pathetic that I wanted to go home so badly. I'm going home next weekend and my mom said she'll make me a real, good home cooked meal. I can't wait. And I guess I have a new respect for what home means to me. Ever since I went off to school I never wanted to go home, I loved being here and whenever I was home I couldn't wait to get back. Not that I'm enjoying my time at school any less than I did last year, I can just appreciate how special it is to have a home to go back to.

So what did I do on one of the most holy days of the Jewish year? I went to ballet class, watched Jerome Robbins Something to Dance About, which was fabulous, had a really interesting practice session in the practice rooms, and ate some apples with honey.

My new favorite musical

Lately I've found myself listening to Broadway's The Lion King whenever I'm in my room. I've found a new love for this beautiful piece of art. While all theater is considered art, this particular show is special. The design of the show makes it look like one giant, 3-D, moving painting that I could sit in front of for two hours and be utterly transfixed. I saw it on Broadway when I was younger and last weekend during a musical theater workshop we watched a clip from their Tony performance, inspiring my new obsession with it. First of all the music is fabulous: the melodies, the harmonies, the blending of African and English to tell the classic story. Even listening to the songs in my dorm room in Staten Island, I am transported to another place. A more exotic place, a hotter climate, and a more wild surrounding. The costumes and giant puppet concept transports the audience to a magical land where the African dessert and animal survival meet Disney morals and childhood stories. And the dancing... let's just say that I had the opportunity to learn the choreography for "The Lioness Hunt" a few years ago and it was one of the most freeing and fun pieces of choreography I've ever learned. I want to see it again, now that I'm older and have a more sophisticated appreciation of live theater.

Getting back into it

Today I had a near-breakthrough moment in my musical theater performance class. And it's not like I was learning an entirely new concept either. I was reminded of something that I discovered last year in acting two; when I'm stuck in my head and I'm having a hard time connecting to the text viscerally I need to "do" something. What I mean is to physicalize the text, use my body to connect to the words instead of intellectualizing it. After doing my song ("A Call from the Vatican" from Nine) as a monologue, the fabulous Michele Pawk had me do it again pushing against a desk trying to get to Doug (one of my classmates) who was standing on the other side of the desk. When I did this task, which might seem ridiculous to those non-actor folk, I was extremely focused on the task at hand: reaching him (Doug AKA Guido for purposes of my character).

Tonight, in my practicing, I rolled around on the floor, danced, kicked my legs into the air, and threw a tantrum. It helped me get out of my head. I wasn't self-conscious about what I was doing. And the desire came through in my voice. As Uta Hagen says (and this isn't the exact quote but it goes something like this) ... acting isn't polite, it's primal and athletic!

WORK IT!

Inspire

This semester is filled with inspirational people, quotes, and speeches.

The thing that I love about Wagner is the nurturing environment that the theater professors create for their students. We are not expected to compare ourselves to our classmates. The only person I can or should compete against is myself.

I feel so lucky not only to be studying what I love but also to be doing it in a place like Wagner. Wagner students are dedicated, understanding, and ready to learn. We aren't snobbish or conceited. Talking to some of my friends, we're all inspired to be here, honored to be here, and feel lucky to be here.

One of my professors tells us that if we go to class and work hard we will get 1% better each and every day. I agree with him only some of the time because most of the time I feel like I'm improving much more than 1% each class.

Wagner mainstage debut

Today I was cast in my first main stage show at Wagner. I will be in the dance ensemble of "My Fair Lady" next semester. Besides being extremely excited to be making my Wagner main stage debut, I also felt honored and proud of myself. When I called my Mom and Dad they both started crying because they were so proud of me.

One thing I've learned this past year is how well I deal with rejection. I was not cast in any departmental productions for my freshman year (although I did get two callbacks) and I auditioned for a lot of summer stock companies (again getting many callbacks) but no job offers. Not once though did I question if this is really what I want to be doing. I continued to have confidence in myself and I continued to love what I do and I continued to be so thankful that I am able to study and train and learn about my craft at school. I focused on my classes and have come so far these past two semesters. I am proud of my work, my dedication, and my focus. And that has lead me to this opportunity of getting to work on a beautiful musical and dance the original Broadway choreography (which I am so excited to learn next fall).

If you want to be in this business you have to have a craving for it. You have to be in love with the work and you have to want it. And I mean really want it. "My Fair Lady" will open in November and run through until the beginning of December and I just cannot wait to start rehearsals for it. Well I know what I'm doing this summer: research, research, research about the time period, the place, and getting to know the show like the back of my hand.