After laying on my couch watching TVs and movies trying to get rid of this eternal stomach virus for the past week, I was finally able to sing today. What a wonderful feeling that was. My voice was resonating, and it felt so good. I sat down at the piano and started playing through the score to The Fantasticks. The score must be pretty old because the pages aren't white anymore. They've got that old yellow-ish tint to them and they feel sort of...expired. It's pretty cool to be part of something so much bigger than myself.
I think I've found the reason why I'm like a never ending battery:
"The more you loose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have."
--Norman Vincent Peale.
That is the definition of me, my life, and what I stand for
"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."
--Brian Tracy
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Abstract thoughts - Don't ask, don't judge
This world can be a big place. It doesn't seem so big when you're in your own little corner of it. You know all the people around you and even if you don't know them, you recognize their faces. You have your relationships, your friendships, your spaces, the places you go, and the places you don't. And all those things, plus some more, make up your little corner of the world. And it seems so small. Until you leave your little corner of the world and go someplace else. And then you realize how big the world really is and there's an overwhelming reality of how empty it can be.
“Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”
― Janet Fitch, White Oleander
Think of yourself an independent. Well you don't have to think it if it's true. But is there a difference between independence, eternal dedication, and fear of judgement? Maybe there is. But who can stop a dreamer from dreaming? Who can stop a lover from loving? A free bird from flying? Because if nothing else matters, then nothing else should get in the way? But if nothing else matters, why do so many things find their way in?
"When you stop having dreams and ideals - well, you might as well stop altogether."
-- Marian Anderson
“Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”
― Janet Fitch, White Oleander
Think of yourself an independent. Well you don't have to think it if it's true. But is there a difference between independence, eternal dedication, and fear of judgement? Maybe there is. But who can stop a dreamer from dreaming? Who can stop a lover from loving? A free bird from flying? Because if nothing else matters, then nothing else should get in the way? But if nothing else matters, why do so many things find their way in?
"When you stop having dreams and ideals - well, you might as well stop altogether."
-- Marian Anderson
Friday, May 11, 2012
Summer
Summer! I came home yesterday, making today my first official day of summer vacation. I've been waiting for this day for a while and now that it's finally here I can't believe it. I can't believe I survived this semester. I can't believe sophomore year is over. I can't believe I'm now considered a junior. And I can't believe what this summer has in store for me.
Was it hard to say goodbye to my friends for the summer? A little. But I also know that I'll be seeing them back at school in 3 1/2 months, and I might even get to see a few during these next five weeks while I'm home. Saying goodbye to everybody was a lot easier this year than it was last year. That's the sentimentality after freshman year. As a freshman, you think you're never going to see these people again, that it's going to be impossible to live without your college friends for 3 1/2 months. As a sophomore, I know that while summer vacation is long, it goes by relatively quickly. Yes I'll miss my friends, but I also know that I'll have fun at home, and I have a lot of summer fun to look forward to.
So the first 5 weeks I'll be home, except the week that i'll be on vacation in Florida with my Aunt and Uncle. I'll be spending these 5 weeks resting, unpacking, organizing for next year, taking classes, and enjoying summer. As of right now I'm not making a schedule for myself because I've been on such a strict one for the past 5 months - I need to enjoy a little freedom.
I'll be spending the later part of the summer at The Booth Theater in Maine. I'm really excited because I have lots of friends who have worked there before and they all say that they had the time of their lives. I'll also be working alongside some Wagner College Theater kids, which will be really fun. The difficult part will be saying goodbye to my boyfriend for 10 weeks, but I have faith in us. I'm excited for the beautiful summer town, the lobster, and the opportunity to play Luisa in The Fantasticks. It's been a dream role of mine ever since I saw it for the first time 4 or 5 years ago.
But for right now, I need to spend time with my family, see Michael as often as I can, get ready to enjoy my vacation week in Florida, and nurse my stomach back to health. It's been causing problems for a week and a half now. I'm not going to go into the details of my medical issues but my body deals with stress in a very specific way. It sucks but hopefully I can get things under control over the next few days.
Was it hard to say goodbye to my friends for the summer? A little. But I also know that I'll be seeing them back at school in 3 1/2 months, and I might even get to see a few during these next five weeks while I'm home. Saying goodbye to everybody was a lot easier this year than it was last year. That's the sentimentality after freshman year. As a freshman, you think you're never going to see these people again, that it's going to be impossible to live without your college friends for 3 1/2 months. As a sophomore, I know that while summer vacation is long, it goes by relatively quickly. Yes I'll miss my friends, but I also know that I'll have fun at home, and I have a lot of summer fun to look forward to.
So the first 5 weeks I'll be home, except the week that i'll be on vacation in Florida with my Aunt and Uncle. I'll be spending these 5 weeks resting, unpacking, organizing for next year, taking classes, and enjoying summer. As of right now I'm not making a schedule for myself because I've been on such a strict one for the past 5 months - I need to enjoy a little freedom.
I'll be spending the later part of the summer at The Booth Theater in Maine. I'm really excited because I have lots of friends who have worked there before and they all say that they had the time of their lives. I'll also be working alongside some Wagner College Theater kids, which will be really fun. The difficult part will be saying goodbye to my boyfriend for 10 weeks, but I have faith in us. I'm excited for the beautiful summer town, the lobster, and the opportunity to play Luisa in The Fantasticks. It's been a dream role of mine ever since I saw it for the first time 4 or 5 years ago.
But for right now, I need to spend time with my family, see Michael as often as I can, get ready to enjoy my vacation week in Florida, and nurse my stomach back to health. It's been causing problems for a week and a half now. I'm not going to go into the details of my medical issues but my body deals with stress in a very specific way. It sucks but hopefully I can get things under control over the next few days.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
This is Life
I have to get better at this blogging thing. I fully believe in the importance of documenting life, things that happen, and processing what goes on through free writing and reflection. When life gets busy, it becomes impossible to be able to comprehend the greatness and also the struggles. But I think that in order to maintain a clear head, a healthy heart, body, and mind, I need to spend some time processing it all. This has been a really tough semester, both in school work, and in life and what a better day than the day after Waggies to think back about it all and write.
First of all I need to talk about Goddess Wheel. It was a really wonderful experience. It's been hard for me to grasp it all because even though we spent so much time working on the show, it seemed to go so fast. I feel extremely lucky to have been part of that process. I learned so much and got to work with so many wonderful, talented, generous, kind hearted people. There was a great collaborative energy amongst the cast, crew, and creative team. We turned into a giant family. It was beautiful and I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.
Working on an original project is unlike any other process in this business. It gave me a different perspective on casting and how to work on a show. First of all, casting is always objective, and it's never personal. This isn't new information to me, but I was seeing it from a different angle and it had a whole new impact on how I think about it. Not to mention, it's always good to be reminded of the basics because they're important and there's a reason why they're called "the basics." Secondly, I will never work on a role the same way again. Before rehearsals began I did a lot of research and character pre-work at home. I started off the rehearsal process with a whole back story for my character, a movement profile for how my character would walk and stand and for a while I was determined to stay true to these predetermined qualities. But then I realized, that's not acting and I allowed my character to change. Once I made that decision to live in the unknown, everything got more exciting, more rewarding, and more fun. Especially when you're creating a character for the very first time, when nobody has ever played that character before, why not make some mistakes, go out of the box, and make discoveries. (Although you should be making mistakes and discoveries no matter what character you're playing - I was reminded of that old rule too). By the end, my character was a completely different person than the character I started out with. She had a different name and I brought more of me into it. There was a merging of Becky and Curvacius that I could play with every night and learn and grow from.
I also have a whole new respect for writers and lyricists. They have a really difficult job. They give us, actors, the materials to work with. We're only the secondary artists, writers and lyricists have to come up with the material themselves. I always knew that it takes a long time to write a musical and have a "finished product" (whatever 'finished' means) but I have a whole new understanding of that process now. And I hope that I'm lucky enough to be given the chance again one day to witness another pair of brilliant writers develop another new project. I give Matty Selman and Galt MacDermot a huge round of applause for the hard work they put into this piece. I also want to thank them tremendously from the bottom of my heart for allowing Rusty Curcio and the students of Wagner College Theater to bring their show to the stage. If it wasn't for them, none of us would have had this experience. I know I've given my thanks multiple times already, but I really can't say thank you enough.
Moving on, to audition days, and that's another difficult thing about theater. I closed one show on Sunday and two days later I was auditioning for next semester's main stage season. No time to think about anything, be sad that one experience was coming to an end, no time to process - a reason why I think this blog is so important. I was proud of my auditions for both Putting it Together and Legally Blonde. Regardless of how casting goes, I feel like I accomplished something. I've been sick all week, vomiting, headaches, congestion, possible fever, but Brian Patrick Murphy, the director for Legally Blonde doesn't believe in sickness and so I adopted that attitude and did my thing to the best of my ability in that moment. And that's where being thankful comes into play yet again. After my Putting it Together audition I realized that I would not have been able to get through that day if it hadn't been for everything I've learned these past two years in my performance classes. I've learned warm up exercises, audition techniques, I've been training my body to focus and live up to standards no matter how sick or tired I feel. That's where acting turns into a skill. I've always recognized that acting is an art, but this is where I begin to understand that it's a skill and a craft, as well as a business. It's in the craft, the skill, and the technique that allowed me to get through both my auditions and be proud of what I did. And now regardless of how casting goes, I can be proud that I put up a good fight when by body was just begging me to go to bed.
Last night was Waggies. It was fun and I just want to say this: I fucking love my class. We're cute, fun, good looking, and a really good group of people. I can't wait to continue to spend the next two years with you guys at Wagner!!
First of all I need to talk about Goddess Wheel. It was a really wonderful experience. It's been hard for me to grasp it all because even though we spent so much time working on the show, it seemed to go so fast. I feel extremely lucky to have been part of that process. I learned so much and got to work with so many wonderful, talented, generous, kind hearted people. There was a great collaborative energy amongst the cast, crew, and creative team. We turned into a giant family. It was beautiful and I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.
Working on an original project is unlike any other process in this business. It gave me a different perspective on casting and how to work on a show. First of all, casting is always objective, and it's never personal. This isn't new information to me, but I was seeing it from a different angle and it had a whole new impact on how I think about it. Not to mention, it's always good to be reminded of the basics because they're important and there's a reason why they're called "the basics." Secondly, I will never work on a role the same way again. Before rehearsals began I did a lot of research and character pre-work at home. I started off the rehearsal process with a whole back story for my character, a movement profile for how my character would walk and stand and for a while I was determined to stay true to these predetermined qualities. But then I realized, that's not acting and I allowed my character to change. Once I made that decision to live in the unknown, everything got more exciting, more rewarding, and more fun. Especially when you're creating a character for the very first time, when nobody has ever played that character before, why not make some mistakes, go out of the box, and make discoveries. (Although you should be making mistakes and discoveries no matter what character you're playing - I was reminded of that old rule too). By the end, my character was a completely different person than the character I started out with. She had a different name and I brought more of me into it. There was a merging of Becky and Curvacius that I could play with every night and learn and grow from.
I also have a whole new respect for writers and lyricists. They have a really difficult job. They give us, actors, the materials to work with. We're only the secondary artists, writers and lyricists have to come up with the material themselves. I always knew that it takes a long time to write a musical and have a "finished product" (whatever 'finished' means) but I have a whole new understanding of that process now. And I hope that I'm lucky enough to be given the chance again one day to witness another pair of brilliant writers develop another new project. I give Matty Selman and Galt MacDermot a huge round of applause for the hard work they put into this piece. I also want to thank them tremendously from the bottom of my heart for allowing Rusty Curcio and the students of Wagner College Theater to bring their show to the stage. If it wasn't for them, none of us would have had this experience. I know I've given my thanks multiple times already, but I really can't say thank you enough.
Moving on, to audition days, and that's another difficult thing about theater. I closed one show on Sunday and two days later I was auditioning for next semester's main stage season. No time to think about anything, be sad that one experience was coming to an end, no time to process - a reason why I think this blog is so important. I was proud of my auditions for both Putting it Together and Legally Blonde. Regardless of how casting goes, I feel like I accomplished something. I've been sick all week, vomiting, headaches, congestion, possible fever, but Brian Patrick Murphy, the director for Legally Blonde doesn't believe in sickness and so I adopted that attitude and did my thing to the best of my ability in that moment. And that's where being thankful comes into play yet again. After my Putting it Together audition I realized that I would not have been able to get through that day if it hadn't been for everything I've learned these past two years in my performance classes. I've learned warm up exercises, audition techniques, I've been training my body to focus and live up to standards no matter how sick or tired I feel. That's where acting turns into a skill. I've always recognized that acting is an art, but this is where I begin to understand that it's a skill and a craft, as well as a business. It's in the craft, the skill, and the technique that allowed me to get through both my auditions and be proud of what I did. And now regardless of how casting goes, I can be proud that I put up a good fight when by body was just begging me to go to bed.
Last night was Waggies. It was fun and I just want to say this: I fucking love my class. We're cute, fun, good looking, and a really good group of people. I can't wait to continue to spend the next two years with you guys at Wagner!!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Goddess Wheel Hair - a process
I have begun to explore different possible hairstyles for Goddess Wheel. The goal is to give the hair and make up designer our ideas of what we want and then she can use her professional skills to make it happen and look good. This past week I tried something:
This was my second attempt out of three. My first attempt did not have any of the volume that we're looking for and I forgot to take a picture of my third attempt. I'm working with braids, flowers in my hair (white or silver to match my costume), and LOTS of VOLUME.
Today I found these two pictures on google which inspired me:
I love both pictures. And I'm thinking of playing around with these ideas for a bit. I do want my hair to be down in the back but I love the poof thing in the front of the hair with the braids behind it/at the crown of the head.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Miles from where you are
"I'm miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms"
"They say there is a land, a land drenched with sun. Wherefore is that land? Where is that sun?" I miss you, Israel
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Rehearsals - a learning environment
Today I looked at my calender and realized that we have 3 1/2 weeks left of rehearsal until we start tech. First of all I can't believe how fast this semester is going. Second of all I can't believe how fast this rehearsal process is going. And thirdly, I still can't believe that all of this is really happening. This process has been extremely rewarding and I'm so grateful to have been a part of it. I leave rehearsals feeling like an actor, an artist, a person with ideas and an endless amount of possibilities in front of me. I have learned so much throughout this process so far. And I don't just mean learning music, choreography, and blocking. It's been like an acting class, with a different method of acting than what I'm used to and I love it. I feel important, even though I'm not a lead in the show. I feel like my participation matters. Sometimes it's easy to get lost in the ensemble, but I've been creating a really interesting character for myself. I love playing with her during every rehearsal, tweaking things, making discoveries, and exploring parts of her that I didn't even know where there. It's such a great feeling to be able to create something from scratch and have the freedom to expand on my ideas. Not all directors allow their actors to have such freedom. So I feel extremely blessed to have this experience.
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