Being home makes me think

What happens when I begin to feel like school is my home and my house is a place where I can see family and old friends? I never thought I'd feel more at home anywhere else than my own house but for the first time in my life it's actually easier to be at school. I love spending time with my family and it's nice to see the people I went to high school with but it's hard. It makes me think about how much is changing and how quickly it's all happening. I'm happy with what is going on in my life but sometimes I miss the way things used to be. I miss the people I used to hang out with. I miss doing the Nutcracker. I miss going to dance every day after school and all day on Saturday from 9:30 AM to 4:30 PM and feeling like I wanted to drop dead at the end of it all. When I'm at school I don't think about this stuff. I have my family and good group of friends at school. I feel like I know those people so well even though we've only spent one semester together. I'd trust them with anything. I work hard and go to classes. I have fun back in the dorms at night and on weekends. I live my life at school and don't look back. None of this type of stuff bothers me. I don't even think about it. But being home in my room, in this town where so many memories took place is like a trigger. It makes me miss the life I had when I used to live here. It makes me sorta sad...

Being at school is easy. (I know I'm repeating myself but whatever that's just how my mind thinks.) I find it easier to move on with my life and adapt to what college has to offer. I smile when I think about high school and what I did during that time in my life. I don't get sad. I don't miss it. Before going off to college I knew things would change. I knew it would become harder and harder to maintain contact with my friends from home but you don't REALLY know until it happens. When I was in high school I felt so safe and secure. I had my group of friends and I knew nobody was going anywhere. Being in college is starting to feel more like the rest of my life. Loosing contact with people I NEVER thought I'd loose contact with from high school has shown me that you never know what's going to happen. You can make plans and plans and then suddenly all your plans can get changed.

I wish I could feel so okay with everything when I'm at home - the way I am at school. I want to just be at peace with everything. Let it be the past. Let it be good, happy memories. Not let it haunt me when I come home. Maybe that should be my new years resolution??...

Thanksgiving

It's that time of year again! First I started to make a list of all the things I'm thankful for - something I've done every thanksgiving for the past few years. But then I realized that every year my list is basically the same. I might add a few things or not care so much about others from year to year but the core of the list is always the same: friends, family, my health, etc... My list is also always really long. I seem to be thankful for a lot of things in my life. So this year instead of blogging my entire list of what I'm thankful for I'm going to say just this: I am thankful that I have things to be thankful for.

Happy thanksgiving everyone.

Lets play life

I've recently come to the conclusion that you never know what's going to happen. This is interesting to me and seems to be problematic. We as people, trying to maintain organized and well thought out lifestyles, tend to plan (or at least I do) what our future is going to look like. We sort of make a game board for ourselves. We know where the start is and we imagine the finish line. We know that there will be hurtles in between that we will have to cross and so we create them in our imagination and plan how we will get past them with ease. We assume that every time we roll the dice we will get a five or a six and will be able to move that many spaces. No problem. Piece of cake. Well that isn't always the case. Sometimes you get rolled a one or a two, which slows you down on your journey across the board. And even worse, sometimes you'll pick up a card that says "go back three spaces and skip your next turn." These are the types of problems we don't prepare for when imagining our board game of life. But it's what keeps us sane. It gives us a sense of stability, a false sense of stability, but a sense none the less. How would we be able to go through life if all we ever thought about was what could possibly go wrong? It just sucks a little bit when you're reminded that life doesn't always go according to plan.

Fall Break

"Acting isn't polite; It's primal and athletic. If you're good at it." -John Jamiel, my acting teacher.

"Enjoy fall break. Watch the leaves change and make up a song about guinea pigs." -Jenny Toth, my color and design teacher

Home sweet home. It's funny how elastic I am and how easy it is for me to get used to things. I'm home until Tuesday for fall break. It's good to be home, but it's also kind of strange. I feel like I'm not used to having such a big room all to myself. I'm not used to the quiet at 2 AM on a Saturday night. I'm not used to being able to take a shower without flip flops. I've gotten used to and have come to enjoy the constant visitors knocking on my door. The sound of the elavator running all night long. The drunk girl who lives around the corner from me screaming and carrying on at 4 AM. The noise complaints and how we always laugh about them. It's silly, I know because I'm only home for 4 nights, but I can't help but miss school and the people.

1/3 done with my first semester?!

Tomorrow marks exactly one month since classes started. I’ve been at school for exactly five weeks now. I feel like I’ve learned more in these five weeks than I did in a whole semester at Herricks, but at the same time it doesn’t feel like I’m doing any work. Although, I know that isn’t the case. I’ve already read five books, 8 plays, written papers, read poems, and made designs. Not to mention gone on auditions and spent about an hour in the practice room 6 days a week. I’ve done a shitload.

Camp Wagner. That’s what my roommate’s Dad calls it. This is pretty accurate. I have a sleepover with Brittany every night and there are always people around in my common room. It just so happens that we go to classes and do work. That’s not to say that the classes are jokes and the work isn’t hard. I’m working my butt off and enjoying every minute of it.

Today was the last day of the first module for acting 1. In other words, I’m a third done with the semester. Holey shit! I’m kind of sad to be done with David’s class for this semester but I’m also really excited to learn from John and Rusty. I’ve noticed a huge change in my voice and vocal production from David’s class, which was the vocal module of acting 1. I spent a lot of time outside of class doing his exercises and practicing the breath support techniques that he teaches. I have a long way to go but I’ve also come a long way already. Since it was the last day we had our final performance. I got an A! I was proud of myself, but when I started to think about it what does this mean? I prepared and practiced for my final. I felt like I did a really good job. But what can a letter tell me about my work? Nothing really. It’s hard to grade something that’s not black or white. The comments that my professor wrote down on my grading sheet are more valuable to me. It should be all about what I’ve learned, what I’ve accomplished, and what I know needs work. Acting class isn’t about impressing the teacher or my classmates. It’s not about getting an A+ because an A+ means perfection and an actor in training should never think his or her work is perfect. There’s always room for improvement or change or experimenting to learn more about the work. It’s an opportunity for me to motivate myself and show what I’m working on to a room full of people who can help me improve. They’re there for assist me and I’m there to assist them. We support each other and feed off of each other. We grow together and challenge each other. It’s a great working environment to be in. I’m so grateful to be allowed to explore and do research in this way.

Since I’m keeping myself busy I feel like I don’t have time to miss people. Is that a rude thing to say? I’m not home sick and I feel like I don’t ever want to leave school. The people here are all so down to earth and nice and we’ve all become super close super quickly. We also all have something very specific in common. We all chose Wagner. It may have been for different reasons, but that choice connects us in some way. Especially because Wagner is such a small school, there’s nowhere to hide. There is such a difference between high school friends and college friends. High school friends know all your shit. They’ve seen you through the awkward middle school times. They have formed opinions on you through the years. College friends don’t know anything about you. While it is a chance to reinvent yourself it’s also a chance to discover who you really are and allow your new friends to see that side of you. It’s the chance to gain trust with an entire new group of people and to connect with those people on a mature level. Not that friends from high school are fake or temporary. And I know I will be glad to see them during vacations. But they’re from my childhood and I’m no longer a child. I’m legally an adult, and I am responsible for my own actions. I’m more independent than I realized and I don’t need to cling onto people I’m used to being comfortable around. Before I came to college I didn’t feel ready to leave home, but now that I’m gone I know that I really was ready. I was just a little scared of the change. But the change has been good and I’m falling in love with my new lifestyle.

A quicky

Today when I was reading a book for my acting class I came upon the following quote:

"Energy is your zest for working, playing, loving - living. It is the biological power or force within you - your physical capacity for living and your mental attitude toward your capacity for living. In practical terms, you have "energy" if you can get through your working day with enough resources to meet unexpected demands, and still enjoy life" -Charles Kuntzleman

There have been so many things that I've learned or thought about within the past week that I would say "OH I gotta blog about this." But with the hectic schedule of a musical theater major, I haven't had time to sit down and blog while the inspiration is hot. So now, when I do have a few minutes to sit and type my thoughts I'm not as passionate about blogging all my new discoveries.

Acting class is great. We breathe and everyone is discovering and finding new really cool things about their bodies. The voice is a physical thing. And the best way of warming up your voice is by warming up your body. Some of you singers out there might find this hard to believe but it's true. I've felt the proof of it during class. This isn't to say that lip trills or scales aren't valuable. They are extremely helpful. But that's only 30% of a good vocal warm up. The rest is in your body. I would write more but I have to call my parents =)

To do's and Not to do's

College is for learning. Expanding minds. Exploring. College means lots of reading. Reading and reflecting. Reflecting on what you're learning and what you're thinking. College doesn't give busy work. To spend time is to get something out of it. To grow. To get confused. To not understand. To figure out. To understand. To ask questions and to answer them. To meet new people. Not to judge. To be uncomfortable and take academic risks. To grow older. College is the best time of our lives. When we surprise ourselves. Find out more about who we are. Find new interests. Pursue old ones.

It is not a time to waste the $44,000 on saturating oneself in alcohol. It is not a time to eat unhealthy. It is not a time to rebel against all morals that life has taught you. It is not a time to give in to dangerous temptations. To throw away everything you have worked for up until now. To pollute your mind. To be rude or obnoxious. To be scared of failing. To avoid trying something new out of fear.