Cleaning Out

I cleaned out my room a little bit today. Got rid of a lot of stuff, mostly clothes, that I don't need, or want, or have the room for. I found $20 in a box on my desk which was nice. I found my number from my first audition for a Broadway show. I found a lot of old t-shirts from high school. Battle t-shirts, STAC t-shirts, sweatshirts from everyone's bar/bat mitzvahs and sweet 16s. I found bras that don't fit. And a lot of other things of expired sentimental value. I say they're expired because they meant a lot to me in middle school or in high school. I can appreciate the importance of these objects to that part of my life. And now, with only two weeks left until I'm 21, those objects don't mean much to me anymore. It's funny how your perspective changes as you grow up. Something that seems like life and death when you're 17, just isn't that big of a deal almost 4 years later. And of course I believe that everything in my life happened for a reason. The events, the people I've known, they all helped me learn and grow and made me who I am today. But we grow up. We move on. It's normal and natural and I'm happy with it. Today I laughed at myself and my life and my 14 year old self. And I'm sure that 4 years from now when I'm looking back on my 20 year old self, I'll be laughing as well. And I'm not devaluing anything. I'm not saying that any moment is unimportant because they're all important. Our lives are made up of moments and each moment has the potential of contributing greatly to who we are and our journeys. It's just, when you look back on it after the fact, it's different. It's ironic how much I love the story of Peter Pan. I've loved it ever since I was four years old. It's ironic because Peter Pan does everything in his power to keep from growing up, and here I am, completely okay with it. In fact, I'm excited for it. I think about my future, the possibilities of what it will bring, and I'm excited to find out. I think about this summer and I can't wait to start working. Yipee.