This past quarter has been a lot about me embracing and setting free the deeper me. I have this reputation of always being happy. There’s nothing wrong with such a reputation, and it is true, I’m a happy person, but nobody can be happy all the time. That’s a superficial standard to have to live up to. My college essay touched upon this, and that’s where this whole learning started. The end of last year was when I started to let some of the other parts of me come through, but I wasn’t really aware of it. When I wrote my college essay, I became aware of it and started to keep track of it. I’ve been more open to experiencing whatever emotions come my way, and more open to sharing them with my friends and parents.
Seeing other kids in STAC open up to their different emotions has helped me and reading what they write on their blogs has helped too. It reinforced the idea that sadness, anger, and frustration are all normal. Fuertzabruta also really helped. It was such an intimate performance, especially when the women were swimming right on top of us. They weren’t necessarily happy. They were just being themselves. I was able to get in touch with this other side of me during some of the serious improvs and during the poetry that we did. I’ve also cursed more than I ever have, and I’ve been more open to saying my opinion if I don’t like something. I don’t think that it’s a matter of me changing. This part of me was always there; I just never let it show. I always thought of myself as comfortable with who I am and confident, but I guess this is the true test of confidence. I can be whatever I feel like being in that moment, and be okay with it. It’s still a growing process, but it’s definitely a start.
I know you asked for what we’ve learned this quarter, and I don’t exactly know if this answers that question, but it is how I’ve grown as a person. I think that counts as learning too, especially since this is such a huge part of acting. It’s kind of like I’m becoming more aware of some things that have been in my library my whole life. I just never wanted to access them. The acting that I’ve done, especially in the last few months, has really been all about pulling from my library. So it’s good that I’m opening up that access.
I've noticed a little bit of a change, like you mentioned in this post. I like it! It's a good change. Actually, I wouldn't call it a change because when I think of that word I think of going to a complete opposite and you dond't you that. You are still the same Becky as you were last week, last month, last year. But, I think that instead of change it's you are making more of your thoughts public.
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