Jim Bonney workshop #4

Today's workshop was a;woiejra;sdfjas;dfij ! The energy during all the warm up exercises was buzzing all over the place. It was vibrant and wonderful. It made me feel all filled up inside and really grounded into the ground. I felt like my center of gravity had been lowered into the deep pit of my stomach and even into my feet. I felt like I was apart of something and I was being supported by it. I felt silly and loose too. When we started doing scene work, the scripts were very open ended. There was a lot of room for interpretation. I was partnered with Kali. Our scenario: we used to be best friends, but then her boyfriend got me pregnant. I was coming to her to confess, but since I know that she's already suspicious of what's happened and because I feel like I can't trust her, I chicken out and didn't end up telling her my secret. We worked through the script with repetition, and sounds and got all wiled up. We then did the scene normally and then put down the scripts and improvised it. When we first started the imrpoved version of the scene, I felt frozen and trapped. I felt like I couldn't talk and my lips were disconnected from my body and I wasn't able to make them move anymore. Consequently, I didn't say much. I said little words like "yes" or "no." But about half-way into it something started to happen. Suddenly I hated Kali (not really Kali, her character) and just looking at her hurt me. I was scared of her. The entire room felt like it disappeared, but at the time I wasn't aware of it disappearing. It wasn't until after we were done that I noticed it had melted away. The only people that existed for me was Kali and I. I've used this before, but it felt like being sucked into a vacuum of some sorts. I started talking more than just one word answers and I started crying. It felt really good. I got out of my head which is why I wasn't aware of anything outside of just our little scene. Last year, I had to be put to sleep for a medical procedure. After our scene was over, I felt like I was waking up from that procedure. It felt like "what just happened?" Like the last 2 minutes that I had experienced wasn't really me but at the same time it totally was. It was like being empy and full at the same time. It's so hard to explain. But I know how it felt, and I want to do it again.